When Helping Became Doing It All
A friend struggles with something — schoolwork, maybe — and you started helping. It felt good to be the helpful one. But somewhere along the way, "helping" turned into "doing it for them." Now they barely try; they just bring it to you, and you sort it out, because it's quicker and because saying no feels unkind. You're doing your own work and theirs. You're a bit tired, a bit used, and you've noticed something uncomfortable: your friend isn't actually getting any better at the thing, because they've stopped needing to. You've made yourself their shortcut. You don't want to abandon them — they do find it hard. But you're starting to see that doing it for them isn't really helping them at all. Real help, it turns out, might look different from what you've been doing.
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