Your friend got the thing you wanted — the part, the prize, the new bike, the praise. When they told you, you smiled and said "that's so cool!" And you meant it. Sort of. But there's another feeling underneath, sharp and a little ugly, that you don't want to look at too closely. It's jealousy, and it makes you feel like a bad friend for even having it. So you've been pushing it down and acting extra happy — which is somehow making it worse, not better.